Australia Day 2

The Wagga Chronicles by John Weir - Weiry ISRA #990

At Canne River we left Gonzo Jelic and the other Sydney/Canberra riders still smarting from Clem's remarks about the ISRA patch and hanging it on the back of his dunny door. (At least Mark was relieved that his ears would get a rest)

The intrepid Wagga crew had to battle the returning holidaymakers towing cruise ships and motel units made their way up the coast. The remaining crew consisted of Steve (Panniers) Parker, John (Weiry) Weir, Clem (whiz kid Gates) Ceely all from Wagga, (Big) Pete Lyons from Leeton, Steve (28 days) Manthorpe from Canberra, and Chris (Whoosh) Parker from Albury.

After crossing into New South Wales somewhere near Timbilica we noticed something very strange - Whoosh Parker was doing the speed limit. Sure enough 1-km down the road we came across a police roadblock. All traffic from both directions was being stopped, and upon seeing our bikes we were overrun by 30 hulking flatfoots equipped with batons and attitudes.

After demanding licenses and registrations from the lead riders, (Whoosh, Panniers and Weiry) they paraded up and down the remaining bikes until, alerted by a thin bead of sweat on the brow of Steve (28 Days) Manthorpe, they demanded his license.

Cool as a cucumber Steve (who is a learner rider - 28 days and not displaying L-plates on his bike) slips out his car license and hands it over. The big copper is distracted by the remaining mean looking pair of (Big) Pete Lyons and the other loud mouthed loony, Clem (whiz kid Gates) Ceely, long enough for him to take only a cursory glance at the date and not the license type. Rumour had it that the big copper was distracted by Clem's eyes (with one being glass and the other one plastic) as he seemed to be avoiding his stare (the truth be known Clem couldn't see anyone).

It took seven flatfoots to wrestle Big Pete Lyons license and rego off him and the remaining 23 cops surrounded the suspect looking Clem. They strip searched both Clem and his Honda looking for anything suspicious, only to find a heap of red headed fleas nesting in unmentionable places. Also, much to the surprise of the police and the 40 odd on-looking vehicles pulled up on either side of the road, they also found that Clem doesn't wear underpants.

Not to be outdone, the RTA (vehicle) Inspector said he was worried about the noise coming from Clem's bike, but after "exhaustive" testing found the noise was actually a combination of Clem's continual yapping and his rumbling stomach.

Next came the breath test, we were a bit nervous with all the riders having partaken the night before and sure enough six big coppers sidled up beside us and the unanimous decision was that we all had bad breath. With this insult still ringing in our ears (Whoosh) Parker was gone and after push starting the two Hondas we all made an attempt to leave. Clem pushing his Honda still with his pants down was again stopped and accused of making wise cracks at the coppers. Assuring them he only had a wind problem we made good our escape with Clem leaping on to his Honda. Needless to say we all immediately overtook him, as the view from behind was sickening.

From there we crossed the Snowy River (next time we will use the bridge) and continued up the coast through the Mount Imlay ranges and quaint little hamlets like Bellbird and Kiah. The cold was nipping at our heels after about 100km's and Clem finally pulled up his pants while still complaining of hunger (only about an hour after his third meal for the morning).

Continuing on too Eden we decided to stop and eat and proceeded to the oyster bar restaurant (not the Blue Oyster) which is purported to be the best seafood restaurant on the entire south coast. Well they had the best prices anyway, so we retired to the rear of the building to the oyster bar fish and chip shop where the prices were more in our range.

There, a number of big orders were placed, with Steve (Panniers) Parker ordering crabs. Clem didn't order crabs as he reckoned had had the crabs before and didn't want them again. Finally after about an hour of deciding, and holding back 30 other people from ordering, Clem decided to order a huge feast of 12 prawns cutlets, 6 potato scallops, 2 pineapple fritters, 4 battered savs, 3 fish, $3 chips and a toasted sandwich.

(Big) Pete Lyons (after standing on a stool) and Steve (28 Days) Manthorpe ordered burgers and chips.

Whoosh Parker and myself being the older and smarter of the pack ordered nothing, as we knew that by strategically placing ourselves either side of Clem while he was eating and talking, we would feast like Kings on the food Clem dropped.

And so it was.

Continued . . .