You wouldn't be dead for quids! That's a pretty popular saying down here in Australia and I tell ya, it was used many a time over this weekend. Life really doesn't get much better than this!

Day 1 - Cann River

Sydney Riders - (From L to R) Me, Tim "GoNuts" Crookson, Lisa-Jane, Mirella "Princess" Principessa, Mark "Frosty" Vigors, David "King" Principessa, Paul "Tassie Gnome" Davis, Scott "Shiny" Paget, Geoff "5 Stars" Wilcock, David "Sparkie" Potter & Mark "Mav" Brennan is taking the photo, sans his wetties.

Notice we ALL have our wet weather gear on, Mav?

The day didn't look like it was going to start well for the weather forecast was rain and it didn't disappoint. We headed off from the usual meeting place, Uncle Leos, after scoffing down the required bacon & egg roll and downing a coffee to make up for the lack of sleep taken up by packing the bike at 2:30am. Unknown to me, as we set out, the lack of sleep was going to be a running theme throughout the four days.. Well for the party animals anyway. ;-)

Sure enough, the weather report was right on the money because before we stopped for our "splash and dash at the Big Sheep" at Goulburn, we got well and truly drenched. The smarter of us had seen this coming and dressed accordingly at Uncle Leos, but Mav, with his dislike for the "uncool" wet-weather gear, looked a sight with water pooling around his boots while he was filling up his bike. He saw the error of his ways and promptly donned the uncool gear but the damage (and laughter) was done.

As is also an unspoken requirement for any long road trip, the group got split up with Tassie and Sparkie missing the stop at Goulburn. This would not have happened if the much-planned-for CB radio fitted to Sparkie's bike actually worked! I cursed the three hours I spent the night before fitting my CB since now I was the only one with a working unit... Not much use except to chat to the other clowns on the road.

Technology is a marvellous thing though and with a few quick calls on the cell-phone, they informed us they were waiting at the Canberra turn-off 20Kms down the road. That was fine, but they had missed a fuel stop that gave Tassie much concern. You see, he had never taken his brand new Roadie to the reserve and apparently filled up rather regularly every 100Kms or so. [The Roadie will easily do 250kms before hitting reserve, even further with mild highway speeds. They probably hadn't travelled more than 220kms at this point ~ Ed] The look on his face every time we stopped at lights going through Queanbeyan was precious, and he left us in no doubt that "I NEED PETROL!" was always going through his mind... Mainly because he shouted it at every chance, even though by the time we stopped for fuel at Hume, he STILL had not hit reserve! Trust me, we tried explaining that once he hit reserve, he had another 40-60Kms before going completely dry... I didn't seem to make a difference, though. ;-)

Canberra Riders - Glenn "Toasty" & Jenni Martin, Martin "Tiny" Squire, Stephen "Sandy" Manthorpe, Deon "Disklock" Rollan and Darryl "???" Storrie.

Toasty was kind enough to meet us at the turnoff to Queanbeyan as we were meeting in some out of the way servo that, no matter how much Sandy tried to explain where it was (complete with maps), I had no idea how to get there. After dropping us off, he took Frosty back to the nearest bike shop - to buy yet another layer of clothing, apparently. He's not called Frosty for nothing! :-) [Martin "Tiny" Squire was fair chaffing at the bit to get on the road when we initially turned up. The look on his face when he learnt I was to take Frosty back to Fyshwick for some wet weather gear and that we weren't hitting the road just yet made me glad I was the one taking Frosty and not staying behind! ~ Ed]

It was great catching up with the Canberrans as many of them we had either only "met" on the forum or had not seen since last AusDay ride, a year ago.

Thankfully the rain stopped and with praise to the weather, bike and road gods, it remained mostly fine for the rest of the four days. (Well except for the rain shower that seemed to follow only MY bike on day two! ;-) Jackets were quickly replaced by t-shirts and after a quick downing of a Red Bull and a few cigarettes (my staple diet for the rest of the trip ;-) we were on the road again.

Damn, I should have gotten to bed earlier last night! 'Happy Glasses' help, though.

Next stop was Cooma meeting the Waggans and apart from passing a few of the state's finest constabulary, with us slowing down at just the right time due to other vehicles, it was relatively uneventful, although "zen-like" run. (You know, when you just space out and just suck in all the scenery? Must have been the lack of sleep ;-) Well it was uneventful for us, but the Waggans had stacks of fun on their way... And I mean STACKS!

Wagga Wagga Riders - John "Dugong" Wier, Grant "Clem" Ceely, Trevor "T.J." Smith, Mark "BMW Boy" Hewson, Steve "Panniers" Parker, Chris "Woosh" Parker, Kevin "Bloody" Parker.

Yep, Clem (with his one glass eye and the other being plastic) had taken a corner a tad wide while going "pretty slow" (apparently only 130Kms/h) and ran himself off the road. He was bloody lucky! He managed to miss major hazards on both sides of his landing spot by a few metres and come to a stop in what, according to Wiery, must have been the soggiest, softest, mud-laden ditch for miles. A slightly prolonged stop for Clem at an aluminium welding shop in Cooma had his floorboard back on his bike, with only a few hours lost behind the rest of the group! [Clem was seen rubbing at his shoulder on many occasions during the rest of the trip and looking decidedly stiff and uncomfortable on anything that resembled a corner. It was popular belief that Clem had probably dislocated his shoulder in the crash. ~ Ed]

Everyone else was on their way to Cann River, except for TJ who stayed back to hold Clem's hand while his bike was operated on, with a short stop at Bombala to re-group. OK, not short enough for some (Tiny!) but others, Mav and myself, wanted to taste the local beer. OK, so it was a VB ["Victoria Bitter" for those across the pond. ~ Ed] that we could have bought at any pub in Australia, but it just might have tasted different in Bombala and you never know till you try!

And the VB did taste particularly good, eh Mav?

At any rate, it gave us a good excuse to play "catch up" with the rest of the group through a stretch of road that reminded me a lot of the Talimena Highway in Arkansas, USA. [Although the only people they caught were my wife and I, as we were just taking it easy and soaking up the scenery all the way into Cann River. The beer must have been particularly good at Bombala! ~ Ed] Pine logging forests flanked us on both sides of the road, with nicely banked and wide sweepers linked together by expertly crafted road surface. Hang on... We must be in Victoria! We were... The roads really are that much better than in New South Wales! There isn't much going for poor old Victoria (the Victorians being it's biggest liability ;-) but I humbly give tribute to their Minister for Roads.

Melbourne Riders - (From L to R) Danny "CruiserDan" Hill, Mark "Nanny" Nankervis, James "Romeo" Dimmick, John "Long-John" Wriedt, Brian "Dicko" Dixon, Graeme "Mouse" Maizy with Beryl "Plus One" and Marc "Chef" Dimmick is taking the photo. Neil Graham joined us at Bright.

Shady characters, the lot of them!

Ahhh... Cann River... What can be said about this gem of a town... ["Town"? You have got to be kidding, it's lucky to rate a dot on the map! ~ Ed] A pub, a cafe and a service station. Population - about 35 (we doubled it that night) and everyone seemed to be cousins with the every other person at the pub! (Read on!)

Cann River - The population doubled when we arrived!

After a few cooling beers, some minor re-arranging of the rooms (the Melbournites having decided to take it upon themselves to grab any old room they cared - ignoring the painstaking planning I had spent on making sure everyone was going to actually get a bed!) and a dinner that wasn't too bad, we had our "Welcome Meeting" and the first drawing of the Poker Run cards.

We can crap on for hours!

At this point, I do have to make mention that we received some very generous support from Joe at A1 Sports Centre (click here to email him for a quote on ANYTHING for your bike) and our very own ISRA Council. Joe provided us with a lot of very nice Roadie gear to give away. The ISRA Council provided us with several T-Shirts, beer coolers and coasters. All the prizes were either given to people that draw the best card, or pulled a Joker, at each drawing, or were given away on the final night during the raffle ticket draw. Even the Cann River Hotel and the Tumbarumba Hotel chipped in with some goodies. A big hearty "Thanks" goes out to you all.

Now I would be able at this point to let you know who won what, but ummm... the list of winnners... ummm... Well... Read on... In short, I don't have that list so ya'll have to believe me that I think just about everyone walked away with some sort of prize! ;-)

[I should note the ONLY prize I wanted to win out of everything that was on hand, was the Yamaha Billet Shifter Linkage donated by A1 Sports. I got very lucky on that first night and pulled a Joker and so whaddoyaknow, my Roadie was sporting a brand new Yamaha Billet Shifter Linkage the very next morning. So naturally I didn't care what anyone else won, I was happy :-) ~Ed] (And I'm sure that billet linkage thingo helped you in the Bike Show too! ;-)

Once the cards were drawn, prizes distributed and "the plan" for the next few days kinda spelled out, we headed back down stairs to drink up some more, and amuse ourselves with a selection of darts, billiards, dancing or pissing the locals off. The "cousins factor" I mention previously is something I should have noted before taking one of the local girls for a ride! (On the BIKE! Get your mind out of the gutter!)

Which red-blooded male would not give her a ride? Apparently Glenn wouldn't. ;-)

I had just hopped onto my bike to go and get some smokes from my gear I left in the Caravan Park (which we had overflowed into since we had filled the Pub) when Chef came running out to me telling me to hold up. A local by the name of "Julie" had asked Chef if anyone would take her for a quick blatt as she hadn't been on the back of a bike for a few years.

So he runs out, tells me, "The tall, blonde bird wants a quick ride on your bike." Thinking nothing of it, "Sure, I got a spare helmet here...", I say. (I keep a half helmet in my saddlebags for just such occasions! ;-)

[The tall blonde in the tight jeans, had the rather attractive tattoo enveloping most of the back of her right shoulder, and had just about every "local" ready to punch your lights out every time you spoke to her that night? Is that the one you mean, Gonzo? ~ Ed] (Ummm... Yeah... That'd be the one. ;-)

I should have known better! The jibes for the following three days were endless and relentless. I wont repeat what we were accused of, but I stand here with hand on heart [Your heart is on the OTHER side of your chest, Gonzo. ~Ed] and say it was nothing but a short ride up the road and back. OK, two rides... She must have liked my pulsing, throbbing pipe... The sound of my hand-made 2-into-1 pipe on my 1100! Sheesh, you guys have dirty minds! ;-) (Oh, and thanks to Modesto Customs in CA. I love my pipes! ;-)

I just wish her cousin "Timmy" believed me! [We sure as shit didn't! ~ Ed] When the pub closed down at midnight and with only a handful of ISRAlites still up, Julie invited me to a party they were having at one of her other "cousin's" place. With the warnings I had received about Timmy from my ISRA guardians (Thanks to Wiery, Nanny & Dicko for starters! ;-), the thought of riding the next day with a broken arm was not that appealing, so with a slight laying down of some rubber in front of the pub, I bid her a fond goodnight.

But having downed a few Red Bulls late in the night, I got back to the Caravan Park feeling decidedly pepped up, so I spent the next two hours building a fire by the river. (The first hour trying to use dried leaves as a basis to start the fire - unsuccesfully. No, I don't have any Aborigine in me!) Come on? What kind of biking road trip is it without a fire involved somewhere, sheesh! ;-) With the river gurgling past my feet and a fire crackling at my back all I could think of at the time was "Feel the serenity!"...

I wouldn't have been dead for quids!

[What Gonzo forgets to mention is he got the fire started with the only piece of paper he had on hand. This same bit of paper just happened to be the one I had painstakingly setup to record who got what prize out of the pool of some 30+ goodies that were to be given away over the four days. Now Gonzo gets to try and work it all out from the photo record. Twit. ~ Ed] - [Actually, it wasn't the only piece of paper I had on hand... But your bit didn't have Julie's phone number on it. (seg) ~ MJ]

[Continues next issue...]

In the next instalment: Get Lost (take the Bucken Road and ending up in Bucken who-knows-where), Get High (plenty of grass on top of Mount Hotham, being summer and all ;-) and Get Wet (t-shirts, that is. But you will need to email me and let me know if you want to see the pictures. ;-)! Till then, contact your travel agent and book your flight to Australia for next years run!